Bad poems for good people

Order a bad poem for a good person below.

Expectations should be low. The only reason you should be disappointed is if it happens to be a good poem. That can only happen if you are normally wrong in most situations.

A bad poem can go a long way, especially if you fold it into a paper airplane, more specifically, a "dart-style" plane, often referred to as the "Mach 5", which holds the Guinness World Record for the longest distance flown indoors by a paper airplane at 88.318 meters (290 ft).

Don't delay, get good today.

Fake reviews

For those of you that are hesitant to order a custom poem for yourself, your loved one, your boss, your boss's sock tailor, your sock tailors boss, your boss's sock puppet, your sock puppets boss, your sock puppets boss's sock tailor, etc, go ahead and read some of these fake reviews to instil false confidence.

"The poem was bad, so that's good, I guess."

receptionist at a receptionist's office
"I bought a Bad Poem for my sister, and now she won't return my calls, but in all fairness I think I might be calling the wrong number, so I will try calling her again in the morning."

somebody else
"I selected all the additional add ons, and I wish I wouldn't have, because I know it meant Jan had to do extra work."

really nice person with clean clothes
"I have bought 3 of his poems, I had them all made into vinyl stickers and pasted them on my wall above my bed. I accidentally put them all on top of each other so you can't really read them all that well. I don't think it makes much of a difference."

the neighbour of a person

Order form

Below this text, you will find some required information, please fill it up. I promise not to use any of it for anything at all.......wait, that is a lie, I will, in all actuality be using the information you provide to write a bad poem, you are consenting to that, but I won't use it for anything else. It will not be used in my vision boards, I won't use your email to subscribe for free offers, and I certainly won't change my name to yours so that I can use your status to get the nice table at a "sit down" restaurant. I'm much to lazy for any of that.

Mucho thanko for supporting me.

Your name

Name of the person the poem is for

Topic(s) included in the poem (limit yourself for God's sake):

Sweet nothings

Price and add-ons

Google tells me that a person can charge anywhere from $1-$300 for a poem, that is super helpful. I will only charge you $17.40 a poem, what a deal. I chose that price because that is the minimum wage in B.C. and I plan on only doing the minimum amount of work on your poem. If you are a super fancy pantsy, and have rolls of quarters stacked up in your house that you don't know what to do with, I offer add ons for a wee bit extra. I recommend you don't select them as that inevitably means more work for me.

Crumple the paper $0.50

Burnt edges (to look like a treasure map of course) $1.00

Spritzed with a nauseating perfume or cologne $1.00

Lipstick kiss on the paper $2 (each additional kiss is $0.50)

A corner chewed off and actually eaten - $0.25 per corner

Doodles on the page $3.00

A video via a QR code that will have me reading the poem impatiently (can be ordered at a later date as well) $17.40

The total

You do the math please. For example, a bad poem for a good person is $17.40. Add a chewed-off corner and the total is $17.65. Add some doodles and the total is $20.65, etcetera. Payment can be sent via e-transfer to jansveryprofessionalemail@gmail.com. If you put a fake name on this form, put that fake name in the message of the e-transfer so I know who paid for what.

Optional braille poem

I am also able to provide the poem in braille for the good people who are visually impaired and blind who also want a bad poem. Same price applies, and $2 from every one will be donated to the CANADIAN COUNCIL OF THE BLIND - Comox Valley Chapter.

Yes please

No thanks

Mailing address for the recipient of the poem

Address 1

Address 2

City

State/Province

Zip/Postal Code

Country

Number

Bad poems for good people

Fake reviews

"The poem was bad, so that's good, I guess."

"I bought a Bad Poem for my sister, and now she won't return my calls, but in all fairness I think I might be calling the wrong number, so I will try calling her again in the morning."

"I selected all the additional add ons, and I wish I wouldn't have, because I know it meant Jan had to do extra work."

"I have bought 3 of his poems, I had them all made into vinyl stickers and pasted them on my wall above my bed. I accidentally put them all on top of each other so you can't really read them all that well. I don't think it makes much of a difference."

Order form